If I can see it then why can't you? Part 2

We are still looking inside of ourselves to find where our moral measure comes from.

As we looked at the four perception styles in the last blog it was easy to see that all of them are unpleasant and can be offensive by themselves. All of us are born with two perceptions we can look through to balance the offensiveness of only seeing things from one style. But if we don't blend our two perceptions then we become unpleasant and obnoxious. If we look at how the perception windows relate to each other then those of us who aren't blended may figure out how to blend. The rest of us may learn how to add one or both of the other styles to our own.

Blended Smoothly

Melancholy and choleric perceptions are solid and straight and unwavering. Phlegmatic and sanguine perceptions are scattered, flowing, and repetitive. Melancholy and choleric styles blend very naturally with each other and so do the sanguine and phlegmatic ones. Other easy blenders are melancholy and phlegmatic. Quiet and still melancholy will not be annoyed to give the phlegmatic style the time it needs to come to a decision. And the analyzing methodical way a melancholy progresses makes it a natural partner to help phlegmatic energy not get lost. With melancholy style of solid landmarks a phlegmatic mind will venture further out of it's comfort zone. The choleric perception is not annoyed by the sudden changes common in sanguine style. Choleric is very confident in its judgements and evaluations of any unexpected paths and so it is not timid in the face of the unexpected. The awareness and straight forward control of the choleric style can channel and corral the sanguine flightiness without offending its sense of enthusiasm. This stems from the choleric style's over arching view of doing what is best even for silliness. This view prevents choleric from desiring to quench the silly hyper sanguine way and instead wants to redirect it.

Opposites Attack

Opposite perceptions are so different in their styles of perceiving that they conflict. If we first compare more of the qualities these styles have then seeing how the opposites conflict is easy.

Choleric and melancholy energies are dominant. Sanguine and phlegmatic are responsive energies. The dominant energies direct, not control, the way people view things. The responsive energies become active in response to how people view things.

Melancholy and phlegmatic styles are introverted. They focus on inner personal priorities first. Choleric and sanguine styles are extroverted. They focus on outer more public priorities first.

The opposite of the dominant introverted melancholy mind is the responsive extroverted sanguine mind. The opposite of the responsive introverted phlegmatic mind is the dominant extroverted choleric one. The silence and stillness of melancholy offends the sanguine perception. Wasting time being still and silent is something that begs for the help of a sanguine mind. Melancholy's natural reaction to the absurd is silent irritation. This draws sanguine energy like a moth to a flame to the extreme annoyance of the melancholy.

Similarly, the phlegmatic perception cannot let the controlling and impatient agenda of choleric style go unchallenged. Since cholerics love a challenge these opposites should enjoy their conflict. But they don't. The phlegmatic perception confronts the choleric dominance with what it has the hardest time prioritizing in its agenda; feelings and fairness. While feelings and fairness are essential to what is best they do slow down progress so they get put off until later on the agenda. Phlegmatic confrontation (usually of their own upset feelings) reminds the choleric of the importance of this neglected part of the agenda. This interruption of the flow of productivity annoys choleric minds a lot which usually results in fiery anger which hurts more feelings and is usually unfair. The compounding of the problem makes phlegmatic minds more determined to draw attention to the fairness issue.

Opposite perceptions create tension and can even create division among people or within the same subconscious mind. Since we all have two perceptions most of us do not encounter serious division with opposite perceiving people. Our secondary perceptions often show us ways to navigate the differences. When we are ignorant of these perception styles and how they can be understood and managed we settle into a semi-successful relationship with our opposites.  We just "know" that we really can't stand people like "that" and can't understand why others can't see what is wrong with them. Because the perception energy is true and internal it feels like our truth is the "real" truth and when someone else's "real" truth does not blend with ours we take it very personally. We mentally lie in wait for the opportunity to expose their flaws to the world proving that their view is wrong. This is still considered semi-successful because this relating takes place outside of ourselves and other perceptions can mediate our conflicts. When the relating of opposites is in the primary and secondary perceptions of the same subconscious mind there is no success without peace. We could look at the problems caused by having opposite perceptions in the same mind but that would only apply to a few of us. Instead we will look at how to have peace between them because we could all benefit from that.

Like it or not there is one guideline that rules any method for peace between perceptions. The dominant one has more influence and that gives it more authority over the situation so the dominant perception is the one that has to yield. The responsive energies change all of the time and there is no peace from that. Only change in the dominant will be effective.  We also have to remember we are discussing how people perceive and not how they choose or act, so we are not discussing conflict over what is right or wrong. We are just balancing opposing energy so it shouldn't be difficult to yield to what works and doesn't waste energy.

sanguine's interests and direct it elsewhere. This happens by coming up with entertaining challenges for the sanguine mind to do. And we all know that sanguine energy cannot resist an entertainment or a challenge. It shows the sanguine that this melancholy mind is a source of fun and does not need help to "come out of it's shell". This changes the dynamic and the sanguine will no longer feel pulled to help the melancholy be less boring. It may difficult for a melancholy styled mind to come up with entertaining challenges but the worst that could happen is the sanguine appreciates the effort and moves on to something that actually is entertaining leaving the melancholy to it's beloved silence. The success of this method proves that the sanguine feeling that melancholies can be motivated to be more fun is absolutely right. To the frustration of all melancholy minds, sanguine energy will improve them.

The method for choleric energy yielding to phlegmatic perception will only work if  it proves to be efficient for the choleric agenda and satisfies the fairness sought by phlegmatic feelings. The best way to do this is for the choleric to recognize the feelings problem as soon as possible and completely, but temporarily, suspend their agenda to make acknowledging and listening to phlegmatic feelings  their only agenda. The speed and integrity with which the choleric perception does this will determine how quickly the phlegmatic feels better. As soon as the feelings are happier then the choleric can return to their agenda. If  the choleric mind is just pretending to prioritize feelings and fairness during the  temporary break then the phlegmatic will take what feels like forever to feel better and will push the choleric to being unfair and hurtful. The only way to avoid this is to sincerely prioritize feelings and fairness during the halt in the main agenda. And if the returning agenda is still hurtful and unfair then the interruptions will happen again. The success of this method to reduce time wasted on conflict and resolve of conflict proves that phlegmatic minds were right and cholerics need to put fairness and kindness as a priority in their plans.


While there are some other personality traits happening in the Warner Bros. Pictures 2010 movie Due Date, it is an excellent place to see the opposite perceptions at work. Robert Downey Jr. plays a choleric and melancholy perceiving man and Zack Galifianakis plays his phlegmatic and sanguine opposite. Interesting is when Zack's character is truly upset and literally running in circles in the kitchen the very sharp and angry character that Robert plays gets very still and slow and quiet to direct him. Most of the movie is shows the choleric character attempting to channel the sanguine silliness and lack of direction of the whole trip. It might seem like a jump for the angry choleric perception to suddenly get so quiet and stable in some of the irritating situations it happens in. But we understand how the energies relate so we wouldn't expect anything else. I bet we can guess which character does the most changing, right?


Questions:
1) Can you think of a time when two people were so conflicted over something that seemed insignificant to you and others? Do you look back now and think it was an opposite perception problem?

2)What ideas do you now have in strengthening your relationships through perception management?


(This is a place for ideas. We will not be critics of spelling or grammar. Anyone leaving a comment has the responsibility of being as clear as they can be. Anyone reading a comment has the responsibility of understanding the message. The thought can be discussed but not typos or grammar. That's not a valid argument against thoughts anyway.)

I can see that I am good, but when I look at you... Part 1

Where is our moral compass inside of us? We change what is "right" with different situations. We see others do it, too. How should we judge our own moral standard? If we saw ourselves easier would we see others better, too?

If we were being really honest with ourselves we would see that a lot of times our moral standards shift around depending on the situation and the people we are around. Most of it is no big deal. It is wrong to scream and shout in the movie theater but expected at sporting events. But we shift actions when the boss is around, when we are around people we love or hate, and when strangers are looking at us. So honesty demands that maybe we need to look deeper in ourselves to see what assures us of our morality in these situations. When we find our standard of measurement it may be easier to see others and why they do what they do. We may learn to be a little more fair.

The first place we are going to look is in our subconscious mind. We are not scientists remember, we are looking in the part of our thoughts that feels like the subconscious.  In this part we have our perceptions, our motivations, and our character. This seems like a good place to search for our moral compass. We will start with our perceptions. Our perspective is made from everything we perceive. It is the veiws we collect, everything we have seen, understood, misunderstood, done, experienced, or been exposed to. Money (having or not) shapes our perspective. Religious experience, family life, our jobs, etc. all create our perspective. But in the subconscious mind we are looking at our subconscious perception style. Our perspective may be like others but will always be unique. but our perception, or style of perceiving, will be limited to four options.

There are four basic ways we filter what we perceive. We all have one ot these styles as our primary style and a second one to a smaller degree for balance or support of our primary style. In some of us they work together very well and it may be hard to see which is the primary. In others they are so different that we may only see the primary one most of the time. The best we can do for ourselves is to get familiar with all four styles and learn to use them all so some degree. This will only strengthen the types of veiws we are able to understand and can only make us wiser and better accepted by people whose style is different from our primary one.

We will call them by the names the Ancient Greeks used for them; choleric, melancholy, sanguine, and phlegmatic. The Greeks called them the four "humors" of the body and thought that most of the personality, psychology, and phyicial traits were due to these styles. Today we know that our personality and psychology is much more complex than four elements. It is obvious to us that our physical selves are too complex to fit this pattern too. But, in the subconscious mind our mental window that views the world is somewhat firey, earthy, airy, or watery. Let's look at the four stlyes and we will understand better.

Choleric people are the ones who look out an executive window. They see the world and everthing in it as something that needs to, and must be, managed. They help and contribute by fixing and improving everything from our problems to our personal style. They patrol the world seeking the highest standard to not just practice it but to share their knowledge of the standard with the rest of us. Choleric style is very firey and easily angered because they are results oriented and easily pushed to impatience. They have little patience with others who do not immediately, if ever, see their view of what is best. This style is very sharp. They are quick to judge style and taste because they want the world to be a beautiful place. They see that sometimes we are our own worst enemy and will sometimes take measures to try to save us from ourselves. They are not the kind to talk behind your back when telling you something face to face is possible. They see the value they have strived for and are not afraid of charging into disagreement and having their worth criticized.

The earthy perception is the melancholy one. It is solid and stable and will not shift easily or quickly. Melancholy people look out of a stabilizing window. They see the need to no get swept away with extremes. They do not see that others are that easily influenced anyway so they often avoid working at changing any one's opinions. They are a grounded standard of reason in their own view and caution others in their recklessness. They can be an anchor in a storm  to those close to them or can anchor them to a steady, little changing, existence. They are comfortable managing duties and items more than playing and silliness. To themselves their sincere views are obvious, but they can deceive others by their silence. Or, really, it is the group that deceives itself. Their silence often is interpreted as agreement and like-mindedness which may not be the case at all. When the melancholy perception is presented with the opportunity (forced) to be in the spotlight they will seem slow to animate themselves to respond. Often they can shock the group by having an opinion or view that is different from what everyone else thought. This is because of their view that opinions of others cannot be easily changed and may be a waste of energy. Melancholy people hate wasting mental energy on others and use as few words as possible when communicating. Melancholy style is actually seeing and evaluating many, many details and options in their silence and when they do speak they are usually concise and making exactly the point they mean to. All of this internal, very internal, analysis uses a lot of mental energy resulting in their annoyance and offense when others demand this style to spend more mental energy on something they see as unnecessary.

Airy sanguine people are unrestricted, fun-loving, and enthusiastic. This style perceives what is funny, silly, and unconventional as most important. Sanguine people see that the world needs to avoid being stuck, still, and stagnant. They see the need for entertainment and challenges to contribute to the very necessary stirring of the too comfortable and too complacent. Their view that enthusiasm is a requirement makes them fiercely loyal to what entertains them and makes it difficult for this perception's style to resist challenges and dares; even if the dare or challenge is out of that person's capabilities. This can make them seem like fools to others. This perception sees "normal" as merely status quo and so being seen as normal is something to avoid and something that cannot go unchallenged. Boredom and uncooperativeness can be hallmarks of sanguine people. Being bored seems to be the same as being caged to these airy people. And cooperating with interests that are not their own (which they are fiercely loyal to) can seem like being put on a leash. This makes it hard for this perception to focus on any task that is outside their realm of interest.

Watery phlegmatic people perceive all sides of an issue to some extent. They naturally look to all points of view that they can conceive of. This makes having an opinion of their own very challenging to these people. This makes them easy to get along with, very diplomatic, and sometimes easy to ignore. They are very cooperative with others because they assume other people see what they see and have made their choices based on the view of the whole. It is natural for phlegmatic people to get caught up in all the views. This makes them assume that others perform better than they do. They would seem like ready followers but they are not. They are loyal followers only to those they trust. They often do prefer to follow because decision making is such a long and agonizing process for them that by the time they have weighed all of their options no one else is that interested anymore, including themselves. This makes them bland in their style and choices. They become loyal to the choices that are easy to make and never require change. The main style choice in their life is comfort. No matter what, "is it comfortable or not?" remains a relatively easy choice to make. Since they are rarely still and settled they get very upset by people who deliberately stir up emotions. When confronted with unwanted changes they often are emotionally crushed. But, when confronted by perceived threats to their comfort zone of easy choices these go-with-the-flow styled people become uncharacteristically stubborn. It is rare and often over something that seems small to others, but a phlegmatic person's stubbornness is not so much about defending the issue at hand as much as a backlash of energy in a type of view that always takes the backseat to others. When phlegmatics are stubborn the people closest to them often get angry at the sudden personality change.

Questions:
1. What perception style do you and the people closest to you have?
2. What negatives can you see in each perception style?
3. Can you think of any times a disagreement or even a fight was only based on different perceptions?

(This is a place for ideas. We will not be critics of spelling or grammar. Anyone leaving a comment has the responsibility of being as clear as they can be. Anyone reading a comment has the responsibility of understanding the message. The thought can be discussed but not typos or grammar. That's not a valid argument against thoughts anyway.)