We are still looking inside of ourselves to find where our moral measure comes from.
As we looked at the four perception styles in the last blog it was easy to see that all of them are unpleasant and can be offensive by themselves. All of us are born with two perceptions we can look through to balance the offensiveness of only seeing things from one style. But if we don't blend our two perceptions then we become unpleasant and obnoxious. If we look at how the perception windows relate to each other then those of us who aren't blended may figure out how to blend. The rest of us may learn how to add one or both of the other styles to our own.
Blended Smoothly
Melancholy and choleric perceptions are solid and straight and unwavering. Phlegmatic and sanguine perceptions are scattered, flowing, and repetitive. Melancholy and choleric styles blend very naturally with each other and so do the sanguine and phlegmatic ones. Other easy blenders are melancholy and phlegmatic. Quiet and still melancholy will not be annoyed to give the phlegmatic style the time it needs to come to a decision. And the analyzing methodical way a melancholy progresses makes it a natural partner to help phlegmatic energy not get lost. With melancholy style of solid landmarks a phlegmatic mind will venture further out of it's comfort zone. The choleric perception is not annoyed by the sudden changes common in sanguine style. Choleric is very confident in its judgements and evaluations of any unexpected paths and so it is not timid in the face of the unexpected. The awareness and straight forward control of the choleric style can channel and corral the sanguine flightiness without offending its sense of enthusiasm. This stems from the choleric style's over arching view of doing what is best even for silliness. This view prevents choleric from desiring to quench the silly hyper sanguine way and instead wants to redirect it.
Opposites Attack
Opposite perceptions are so different in their styles of perceiving that they conflict. If we first compare more of the qualities these styles have then seeing how the opposites conflict is easy.
Choleric and melancholy energies are dominant. Sanguine and phlegmatic are responsive energies. The dominant energies direct, not control, the way people view things. The responsive energies become active in response to how people view things.
Melancholy and phlegmatic styles are introverted. They focus on inner personal priorities first. Choleric and sanguine styles are extroverted. They focus on outer more public priorities first.
The opposite of the dominant introverted melancholy mind is the responsive extroverted sanguine mind. The opposite of the responsive introverted phlegmatic mind is the dominant extroverted choleric one. The silence and stillness of melancholy offends the sanguine perception. Wasting time being still and silent is something that begs for the help of a sanguine mind. Melancholy's natural reaction to the absurd is silent irritation. This draws sanguine energy like a moth to a flame to the extreme annoyance of the melancholy.
Similarly, the phlegmatic perception cannot let the controlling and impatient agenda of choleric style go unchallenged. Since cholerics love a challenge these opposites should enjoy their conflict. But they don't. The phlegmatic perception confronts the choleric dominance with what it has the hardest time prioritizing in its agenda; feelings and fairness. While feelings and fairness are essential to what is best they do slow down progress so they get put off until later on the agenda. Phlegmatic confrontation (usually of their own upset feelings) reminds the choleric of the importance of this neglected part of the agenda. This interruption of the flow of productivity annoys choleric minds a lot which usually results in fiery anger which hurts more feelings and is usually unfair. The compounding of the problem makes phlegmatic minds more determined to draw attention to the fairness issue.
Opposite perceptions create tension and can even create division among people or within the same subconscious mind. Since we all have two perceptions most of us do not encounter serious division with opposite perceiving people. Our secondary perceptions often show us ways to navigate the differences. When we are ignorant of these perception styles and how they can be understood and managed we settle into a semi-successful relationship with our opposites. We just "know" that we really can't stand people like "that" and can't understand why others can't see what is wrong with them. Because the perception energy is true and internal it feels like our truth is the "real" truth and when someone else's "real" truth does not blend with ours we take it very personally. We mentally lie in wait for the opportunity to expose their flaws to the world proving that their view is wrong. This is still considered semi-successful because this relating takes place outside of ourselves and other perceptions can mediate our conflicts. When the relating of opposites is in the primary and secondary perceptions of the same subconscious mind there is no success without peace. We could look at the problems caused by having opposite perceptions in the same mind but that would only apply to a few of us. Instead we will look at how to have peace between them because we could all benefit from that.
Like it or not there is one guideline that rules any method for peace between perceptions. The dominant one has more influence and that gives it more authority over the situation so the dominant perception is the one that has to yield. The responsive energies change all of the time and there is no peace from that. Only change in the dominant will be effective. We also have to remember we are discussing how people perceive and not how they choose or act, so we are not discussing conflict over what is right or wrong. We are just balancing opposing energy so it shouldn't be difficult to yield to what works and doesn't waste energy.
sanguine's interests and direct it elsewhere. This happens by coming up with entertaining challenges for the sanguine mind to do. And we all know that sanguine energy cannot resist an entertainment or a challenge. It shows the sanguine that this melancholy mind is a source of fun and does not need help to "come out of it's shell". This changes the dynamic and the sanguine will no longer feel pulled to help the melancholy be less boring. It may difficult for a melancholy styled mind to come up with entertaining challenges but the worst that could happen is the sanguine appreciates the effort and moves on to something that actually is entertaining leaving the melancholy to it's beloved silence. The success of this method proves that the sanguine feeling that melancholies can be motivated to be more fun is absolutely right. To the frustration of all melancholy minds, sanguine energy will improve them.
The method for choleric energy yielding to phlegmatic perception will only work if it proves to be efficient for the choleric agenda and satisfies the fairness sought by phlegmatic feelings. The best way to do this is for the choleric to recognize the feelings problem as soon as possible and completely, but temporarily, suspend their agenda to make acknowledging and listening to phlegmatic feelings their only agenda. The speed and integrity with which the choleric perception does this will determine how quickly the phlegmatic feels better. As soon as the feelings are happier then the choleric can return to their agenda. If the choleric mind is just pretending to prioritize feelings and fairness during the temporary break then the phlegmatic will take what feels like forever to feel better and will push the choleric to being unfair and hurtful. The only way to avoid this is to sincerely prioritize feelings and fairness during the halt in the main agenda. And if the returning agenda is still hurtful and unfair then the interruptions will happen again. The success of this method to reduce time wasted on conflict and resolve of conflict proves that phlegmatic minds were right and cholerics need to put fairness and kindness as a priority in their plans.
While there are some other personality traits happening in the Warner Bros. Pictures 2010 movie Due Date, it is an excellent place to see the opposite perceptions at work. Robert Downey Jr. plays a choleric and melancholy perceiving man and Zack Galifianakis plays his phlegmatic and sanguine opposite. Interesting is when Zack's character is truly upset and literally running in circles in the kitchen the very sharp and angry character that Robert plays gets very still and slow and quiet to direct him. Most of the movie is shows the choleric character attempting to channel the sanguine silliness and lack of direction of the whole trip. It might seem like a jump for the angry choleric perception to suddenly get so quiet and stable in some of the irritating situations it happens in. But we understand how the energies relate so we wouldn't expect anything else. I bet we can guess which character does the most changing, right?
Questions:
1) Can you think of a time when two people were so conflicted over something that seemed insignificant to you and others? Do you look back now and think it was an opposite perception problem?
2)What ideas do you now have in strengthening your relationships through perception management?
(This is a place for ideas. We will not be critics of spelling or grammar. Anyone leaving a comment has the responsibility of being as clear as they can be. Anyone reading a comment has the responsibility of understanding the message. The thought can be discussed but not typos or grammar. That's not a valid argument against thoughts anyway.)
As we looked at the four perception styles in the last blog it was easy to see that all of them are unpleasant and can be offensive by themselves. All of us are born with two perceptions we can look through to balance the offensiveness of only seeing things from one style. But if we don't blend our two perceptions then we become unpleasant and obnoxious. If we look at how the perception windows relate to each other then those of us who aren't blended may figure out how to blend. The rest of us may learn how to add one or both of the other styles to our own.
Blended Smoothly
Melancholy and choleric perceptions are solid and straight and unwavering. Phlegmatic and sanguine perceptions are scattered, flowing, and repetitive. Melancholy and choleric styles blend very naturally with each other and so do the sanguine and phlegmatic ones. Other easy blenders are melancholy and phlegmatic. Quiet and still melancholy will not be annoyed to give the phlegmatic style the time it needs to come to a decision. And the analyzing methodical way a melancholy progresses makes it a natural partner to help phlegmatic energy not get lost. With melancholy style of solid landmarks a phlegmatic mind will venture further out of it's comfort zone. The choleric perception is not annoyed by the sudden changes common in sanguine style. Choleric is very confident in its judgements and evaluations of any unexpected paths and so it is not timid in the face of the unexpected. The awareness and straight forward control of the choleric style can channel and corral the sanguine flightiness without offending its sense of enthusiasm. This stems from the choleric style's over arching view of doing what is best even for silliness. This view prevents choleric from desiring to quench the silly hyper sanguine way and instead wants to redirect it.
Opposites Attack
Opposite perceptions are so different in their styles of perceiving that they conflict. If we first compare more of the qualities these styles have then seeing how the opposites conflict is easy.
Choleric and melancholy energies are dominant. Sanguine and phlegmatic are responsive energies. The dominant energies direct, not control, the way people view things. The responsive energies become active in response to how people view things.
Melancholy and phlegmatic styles are introverted. They focus on inner personal priorities first. Choleric and sanguine styles are extroverted. They focus on outer more public priorities first.
The opposite of the dominant introverted melancholy mind is the responsive extroverted sanguine mind. The opposite of the responsive introverted phlegmatic mind is the dominant extroverted choleric one. The silence and stillness of melancholy offends the sanguine perception. Wasting time being still and silent is something that begs for the help of a sanguine mind. Melancholy's natural reaction to the absurd is silent irritation. This draws sanguine energy like a moth to a flame to the extreme annoyance of the melancholy.
Similarly, the phlegmatic perception cannot let the controlling and impatient agenda of choleric style go unchallenged. Since cholerics love a challenge these opposites should enjoy their conflict. But they don't. The phlegmatic perception confronts the choleric dominance with what it has the hardest time prioritizing in its agenda; feelings and fairness. While feelings and fairness are essential to what is best they do slow down progress so they get put off until later on the agenda. Phlegmatic confrontation (usually of their own upset feelings) reminds the choleric of the importance of this neglected part of the agenda. This interruption of the flow of productivity annoys choleric minds a lot which usually results in fiery anger which hurts more feelings and is usually unfair. The compounding of the problem makes phlegmatic minds more determined to draw attention to the fairness issue.
Opposite perceptions create tension and can even create division among people or within the same subconscious mind. Since we all have two perceptions most of us do not encounter serious division with opposite perceiving people. Our secondary perceptions often show us ways to navigate the differences. When we are ignorant of these perception styles and how they can be understood and managed we settle into a semi-successful relationship with our opposites. We just "know" that we really can't stand people like "that" and can't understand why others can't see what is wrong with them. Because the perception energy is true and internal it feels like our truth is the "real" truth and when someone else's "real" truth does not blend with ours we take it very personally. We mentally lie in wait for the opportunity to expose their flaws to the world proving that their view is wrong. This is still considered semi-successful because this relating takes place outside of ourselves and other perceptions can mediate our conflicts. When the relating of opposites is in the primary and secondary perceptions of the same subconscious mind there is no success without peace. We could look at the problems caused by having opposite perceptions in the same mind but that would only apply to a few of us. Instead we will look at how to have peace between them because we could all benefit from that.
Like it or not there is one guideline that rules any method for peace between perceptions. The dominant one has more influence and that gives it more authority over the situation so the dominant perception is the one that has to yield. The responsive energies change all of the time and there is no peace from that. Only change in the dominant will be effective. We also have to remember we are discussing how people perceive and not how they choose or act, so we are not discussing conflict over what is right or wrong. We are just balancing opposing energy so it shouldn't be difficult to yield to what works and doesn't waste energy.
sanguine's interests and direct it elsewhere. This happens by coming up with entertaining challenges for the sanguine mind to do. And we all know that sanguine energy cannot resist an entertainment or a challenge. It shows the sanguine that this melancholy mind is a source of fun and does not need help to "come out of it's shell". This changes the dynamic and the sanguine will no longer feel pulled to help the melancholy be less boring. It may difficult for a melancholy styled mind to come up with entertaining challenges but the worst that could happen is the sanguine appreciates the effort and moves on to something that actually is entertaining leaving the melancholy to it's beloved silence. The success of this method proves that the sanguine feeling that melancholies can be motivated to be more fun is absolutely right. To the frustration of all melancholy minds, sanguine energy will improve them.
The method for choleric energy yielding to phlegmatic perception will only work if it proves to be efficient for the choleric agenda and satisfies the fairness sought by phlegmatic feelings. The best way to do this is for the choleric to recognize the feelings problem as soon as possible and completely, but temporarily, suspend their agenda to make acknowledging and listening to phlegmatic feelings their only agenda. The speed and integrity with which the choleric perception does this will determine how quickly the phlegmatic feels better. As soon as the feelings are happier then the choleric can return to their agenda. If the choleric mind is just pretending to prioritize feelings and fairness during the temporary break then the phlegmatic will take what feels like forever to feel better and will push the choleric to being unfair and hurtful. The only way to avoid this is to sincerely prioritize feelings and fairness during the halt in the main agenda. And if the returning agenda is still hurtful and unfair then the interruptions will happen again. The success of this method to reduce time wasted on conflict and resolve of conflict proves that phlegmatic minds were right and cholerics need to put fairness and kindness as a priority in their plans.
While there are some other personality traits happening in the Warner Bros. Pictures 2010 movie Due Date, it is an excellent place to see the opposite perceptions at work. Robert Downey Jr. plays a choleric and melancholy perceiving man and Zack Galifianakis plays his phlegmatic and sanguine opposite. Interesting is when Zack's character is truly upset and literally running in circles in the kitchen the very sharp and angry character that Robert plays gets very still and slow and quiet to direct him. Most of the movie is shows the choleric character attempting to channel the sanguine silliness and lack of direction of the whole trip. It might seem like a jump for the angry choleric perception to suddenly get so quiet and stable in some of the irritating situations it happens in. But we understand how the energies relate so we wouldn't expect anything else. I bet we can guess which character does the most changing, right?
Questions:
1) Can you think of a time when two people were so conflicted over something that seemed insignificant to you and others? Do you look back now and think it was an opposite perception problem?
2)What ideas do you now have in strengthening your relationships through perception management?
(This is a place for ideas. We will not be critics of spelling or grammar. Anyone leaving a comment has the responsibility of being as clear as they can be. Anyone reading a comment has the responsibility of understanding the message. The thought can be discussed but not typos or grammar. That's not a valid argument against thoughts anyway.)
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